I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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