C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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