His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
3pm strippers are depressing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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