Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
