I'm so fucking centered right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
