I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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