Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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