when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
