They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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