A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
