I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
