Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
