Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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