He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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