Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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