Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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