He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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