I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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