Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize