Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
