I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
