...so i touched it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
