Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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