We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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