Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
