just come out here and I will go home with you...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize