I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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