So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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