Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
