Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
