Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
