The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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