Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
