Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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