My hand turned me down
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
