Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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