Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
