just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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