i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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