Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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