dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
