you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
