Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
