OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
