When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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