i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
