you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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