If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
