Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
