did you get engaged???
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
