I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
