I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
