We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
