i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
