Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
