Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
