I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
