She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
