he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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