You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
