New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
