were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
