I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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