my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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