They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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