..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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